First off, two things need to be very clear:
- I abhor lists like this one. They are the laziest forms of blog posts imaginable, a virtual perversion of the longstanding and lazy staple of magazines that promise the “FIVE fastest ways to a flat belly” etc. I promise I will be punishing myself severely for doing this one.
- I realize that on top of that, I’m “trolling” a little — running counter to the flood of what I’m thankful for posts on blogs and Facebook, etc. They already were appearing on Tuesday, if not earlier. And I saw a lot that included “yoga” (because of my list of friends, of course; I’m sure somewhere else on the Facebook people were thankful for their whiskey and guns). So I’ll admit to tweaking the “I love yoga” idea a bit, but at the same time I swear that there is a bit of sincerity in each of the following.
And now that we’re done with that list, on to the the eight reasons I’m not thankful for yoga:
- On Thanksgiving, I don’t get to enjoy myself like I should. My diet’s too restricted. I know how much I’ll pay for overindulging. The old, wonderful road of excess just isn’t as much fun anymore. And I blame you, Ashtanga. Heck, this is true through the holidays… and through the rest of the year, too.
- I’m constantly faced with my own limitations. Barely able to touch my toes. Inability to quiet the mind. A breath that sounds like its coming from an asthmatic Rhesus monkey. I get enough of my own frailties in my regular old life, let alone in a practice I’m choosing to suffer through / do. I know this all already. Why am I adding insult to injury?
- Speaking of injury … my back hurts. Yes, an injury complaint! We’ve all been there, right?
- The obvious ones: Getting up early, going to bed early. Life’s no party.
- All the positive talk, inspiration quotes, etc. etc. These drive my cynical, sarcastic, ironic self into bouts of cynicism, sarcasm and irony. I just can’t believe life’s that nice and easy. If it were, we wouldn’t need yoga.
- That I just wrote “we … need yoga.”
- Russell Brand.
- And, finally… I can’t just indulge in me. Why am I trying to be a better person? I blame the first couple limbs of Ashtanga.
Posted by Steve